You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
