I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
