i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
