I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
