I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
