You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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