This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
