New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
