Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
