You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
