A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
