WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
