So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Screwed.edu
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I AM VODKA MAN
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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