Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
