Just cropdusted the office
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
