what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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