Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
