Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
