oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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