i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
