4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
