WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
