i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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