they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
