you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
