Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
