Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
