Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
