I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
