I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize