I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
