If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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