if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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