I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
