Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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