this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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