I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to cum in my sink.
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