I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
