no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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