I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
