so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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