He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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