no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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