saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize