Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
