i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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