I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
