the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
