the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
