Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
