Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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