I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
