Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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