True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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