were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
