I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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