There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
youre lurking in front of me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
