Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
