I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
