If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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