We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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