Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
