I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
