Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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