i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
