he wants to bone in the snuggie
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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