well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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