$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
