I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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