She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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