Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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