porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize