if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Define "chronic" masturbator.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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