Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
