The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My feet surprised me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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